Fear of Rejection

Fear is the bane of any unpublished writer.  I have started many books and left them on the wayside. I wish I had copies of them as a few were pretty good ideas.  But I would get to that point of decision; I am either going to finish this or toss it.  I would toss it every time.  Why?  It was not that I did not think it was a good story. It was that I knew if I finished it, I would have to do something with it.  So despite teachers telling me to finish, friends... family... doing the same,  I would give up and not write for awhile.  

The problem is, I am one of those people that can't live without creating.  So I channeled that energy into roleplaying games and SCA for a time.  It was never quite the same but it eased that need to create. Overcoming this fear was the biggest hurdle in my life and I am not young.  I am a grandma, really not young.

A popular positive thinking guru taught in one of his seminars that FEAR stood for false evidence appearing real.  He went on to teach that surveys showed that people feared speaking in public more than death.  I feared rejection of my writing more than death.   Rejection and speaking in public rarely cause death.  I mean for speaking in public you pretty much have to be assassinated.  Yet this fear feels so very real, as if behind that rejection letter or that podium is a real tiger lurking. 

When I overcame my fear for the first time, it wasn't even with my work.  I took something my mother had written and with her permission reworked it.  However, when I didn't receive instant rejection, I tentatively put out a second children's book of my own.  I have a great illustrator named Rebecca Hunt that created a friendly looking children's dragon type for my work. 

Emboldened by that experience, I finished one of the many novels I had started and with great hesitation, put it out there.   It got positive acceptance.  I realize now that even if it didn't get positive acceptance, it was not the publishing of it I needed most in my life.  It was the writing of it.  When I pushed that send button to send it out into the world, I achieved a life goal.  I realized my goal was to be published,  being liked was the icing.  

I still had one real fear left.   I had to get myself out there.  I created a website, a blog and learned how to use twitter.  That done, I braved my last real fear, I stepped into a bookstore and sold myself.  I walked out with my book on their shelves and a book signing scheduled for March 22, 2014 in Omak, Wa.  The last of my huge fears had been conquered.  I could have danced all the way to my car. I might have actually.

For those still writing but not publishing, I actually recommend if you want to independently publish that you look at bookbaby.com.  I started with Createspace but that limits you to Amazon.  I have no objections to Createspace.  They have been great and supportive.  But they want to corner you into the Amazon world.  I want Nook readers to have my book too. 

I have one fear left, flying. But I have learned I can handle that one.  So, if any of you want to meet up, just find a bookstore willing to let me sign for a day and I will come where ever I am bid.  After all, it will give me more opportunities to put this last fear down as something I have overcome!!

A Whirlwind of Change!

All my life I have been told I should write.  My English teacher in High School, Ms. McDonald, actually had a published author come in and work with me rather than taking regular English courses.  Unfortunately, at the time I did  not see the gift this was in all areas as the teenager in  me saw that I had two teachers to give assignments to for English rather than one like everyone else.

However, these private lessons stuck with me as I continued on in life.  Yet, no matter how well I did in some individual work for an employer, a boss or even in writing; I could not quite bring myself to face the dreaded rejection letter.  I know those are a part of writing but I was so scared of them that I just didn't do it.  So over time, many stories were written and left by the wayside.

Finally, I had a chance to have my mother's story illustrated and published through Createspace.  While it is a cute story, How the Dragons Got Their Colors, I really wanted it published to give to the grand kids an have a piece of my mother saved. She is getting older and I wanted a memory of her that lasted through time.  But the benefit of this is I realized I could submit the novel I had almost completed without a rejection letter.   If no one liked it, it could fade back into obscurity and while it would hurt, no one would be the wiser.

So imagine my shock when it didn't fail.  Outcast has been getting four and five star reviews on both Amazon and Goodreads. The comments back launched me to get the next part of the series out as people asked me when it was coming out.  I learned how to publicize and tripled my sales in the second month.  My free time is now spent in publicity and writing.

With that has come new friends and mentor; my editor, Alex Hunt, is relentless but has honed my skills and continues to do so as I pick up knowledge that had become rusty by not creatively writing.  Most of my work the last two years has been for employers or non-fiction.   I met this dragon on Twitter named, Farloft.  Turns out his best friend Theresa and I are very much alike.

So yesterday, I faced my last big fear.  The first being to put my work out for judgement had been successfully mastered and now if I get a bad review, I know to take it in stride.   However, taking a bad review and facing a real person and asking them to sell your work was way different.  I dressed up and stood quivering outside the bookstore. Finally I gained the courage and went in with the children's book and Outcast.  She took them.  It will be on commission so she is not out the expense but I am good with that. Then... she asked me to do a book signing.  I have heard of these, of course, what writer has not. I just never considered I would do one.    Now I am scheduled to do a book signing in March.  If this continues, I am not sure how to keep up my forty four hour a week counseling job and keep up with all the things I am being asked for as a new writer.  Today, I did my first author interview.  It was a good thing for me, they asked questions I had not considered before today.

If you had asked me a year ago if I would be doing a book signing, thinking of cutting back work hours and enjoying reader feedback. I would have laughed. Wow, what a difference a year can make!